Cats are evil

I have been a dog person my entire life. Growing up my family always had labrador retreivers. They were truly a boy's best friend.

Then I married a cat person.

Our first year of marriage we had the dog vs cat argument. During our second year of marriage we compromised. What does compromise in marriage look like? Well, we got two kitten, named them after a New Orleans Saints player & coach and called a truce.

Don't get me wrong, I love our two cats. I have taught one of them (Payton) how to fetch and she has been trained to be my dog. The other one (Bell aka "Belly") is overweight, is great to snuggle with and is lazier than roadkill. I love my two cats - I do not like any other cats.

Belly in full-character (above)

But all cats are evil. All cats spit on their hands and rub it all over their bodies. I don't trust any thing that sleeps during the day and stays up all night - ie: bats, cockroaches and crackheads. Once again, I love my cats but I do not trust them. Actually Belly sleeps throughout the day and night - I trust her. Payton is the culprit.

Why? Because Payton knows my schedule and she abuses it. Say I set my alarm for 6:30am - Payton will attack me around 6:15am. It's clockwork. She pounces in fragile places, she burrows between my head and my pillow. She will do anything to wake me up. And when Payton finally does wake me up, all I do is go straight to the shower and she just watches me - creeper style.

Don't believe me? That's fine. I woke up the other morning while Amanda was out of town and I set up a sting operation. I turned on the morning news and went back to sleep.

I present Exhibit A, your honor...

My (Andrew's) Legacy

A couple weeks ago, my pops let me borrow the family's heritage book tracking the lineage on my father's side all the way back until the 1720's. A family member spent nearly 10 years studying hundreds of documents, books, articles and government records from 1984-1994. These type things always grab my interest and my nose has been stuck in the book ever since I brought it home (the book is just over 600 pages).

My pops (above) and Uncle Mike playing with a rabbit trap

Let me tell you, my father's side of the family has some interesting family secrets. It was so interesting I had to share some of the highlights:

-My great (x8) grandfather, John McElveen, was Scottish-Irish and came to the New World around 1720. That's all we know.

-My great (x6) grandfather, William, owned a slave-trading company and over 500 acres outside Charlestown, SC. He was recruited at age 18 to fight in the Revolutionary War because he "was raised in South Carolina backcountry." Enlisted in Charlestown at the beginning of the war. He fought a few years under General Francis Marion (better known as "the Swamp Fox") then served for the Militia of SC. Once he was out, he bought a plantation in Pudding Swamp, SC. Basically, watch the movie "The Patriot" and imagine Heath Ledger playing the role of ol' Gramps Willy.

-My great (x4) grandfather, Andrew, fought in the Civil War (aka The Invasion of the South, The War of Northern Aggression). It is believed he very likely fought during the Battle of Fort Sumter. After slavery was abolished, the family gave their 33 slaves (1 of them being a white man) a small farm near the family plantation. Apparently a few of the slave-families decided to continue working on the plantation. Records indicated that many of the slaves knew how to read. Eventually Andrew moved to Louisiana after re-marrying "a negro woman named Hannah." It is noted that Andrew had a drinking problem and left the Presbyterian church (I'm sure he found a welcoming home for him and his bottle in Louisiana).

Great (x3) granddad Joseph.

The details listed in the family's book are blunt - sometimes honorable and sometimes embarassing. All this got me thinking about what is going to be said about my life and I'm really worried about how my story will read in the family heritage book.

As of right now, it would look like this:

"Andrew, third son of William Earl, was born in 1982. When a young boy, Andrew had a speech problem and a large head. Struggled to behave in school. Stumbled through his college education and upon a degree. Married Amanda Cross of Winston-Salem and fathered two cats."

I need to do something about this. Let's say I live until I'm 98 - that gives me 70 years to write a better paragraph about my life. I need to own a dog. I need to kill a bear, a large shark and/or a wild jungle cat. I need to grow a good mustache for a picture that will be passed down generations (just like ol' Granddad Joseph in the picture above). I need to grow into my large head. 2011 is the year I am going to begin the journey of becoming the man my great, great, great grandchildren need me to be.