Cats are evil

I have been a dog person my entire life. Growing up my family always had labrador retreivers. They were truly a boy's best friend.

Then I married a cat person.

Our first year of marriage we had the dog vs cat argument. During our second year of marriage we compromised. What does compromise in marriage look like? Well, we got two kitten, named them after a New Orleans Saints player & coach and called a truce.

Don't get me wrong, I love our two cats. I have taught one of them (Payton) how to fetch and she has been trained to be my dog. The other one (Bell aka "Belly") is overweight, is great to snuggle with and is lazier than roadkill. I love my two cats - I do not like any other cats.

Belly in full-character (above)

But all cats are evil. All cats spit on their hands and rub it all over their bodies. I don't trust any thing that sleeps during the day and stays up all night - ie: bats, cockroaches and crackheads. Once again, I love my cats but I do not trust them. Actually Belly sleeps throughout the day and night - I trust her. Payton is the culprit.

Why? Because Payton knows my schedule and she abuses it. Say I set my alarm for 6:30am - Payton will attack me around 6:15am. It's clockwork. She pounces in fragile places, she burrows between my head and my pillow. She will do anything to wake me up. And when Payton finally does wake me up, all I do is go straight to the shower and she just watches me - creeper style.

Don't believe me? That's fine. I woke up the other morning while Amanda was out of town and I set up a sting operation. I turned on the morning news and went back to sleep.

I present Exhibit A, your honor...